summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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