Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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