You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well you can't waste a boner
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
