You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
