exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize