Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
