I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
