im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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