hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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