hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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