He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
