feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize