the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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