i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
