Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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