Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
