in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
