I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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