dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
