the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
