Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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