You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
