I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
