I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
not ubering you a puppy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
