Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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