Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize