NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
