I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
