I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
