I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
