dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
