watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
