I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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