She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize