did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
