There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
