I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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