dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
