i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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