Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
