Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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