that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
