Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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