watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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