You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
