How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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