4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
