he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
