i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
