Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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