Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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