The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
