Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
