U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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