i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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