we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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