rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
