dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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