I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
barbara walters just said penis...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize