paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize