My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he thought i was a dude.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
