I accidentally had phone sex last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
